Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Music And My Love Life.

One of my favorite musicians of all time happens to be Sade
I have secretly pondered on why I like her songs so much.
Well Today I figured it out while listening to Sade's No Ordinary Love.
It reminded me of my high school love, who truly did all she could and I did not reciprocate the love. Her love for me seemed more than ordinary. I just was not ready for it. I felt I could do better than her. I did not want to settle for something I believed to be less. 

At that time in high school Usher was my favorite artist, I appeared to be like a Rake, I attracted females with little or no effort atleast that's what others thought. I was always in a relationship and if it things were not working out I moved on to another. 

Then again, during my low points, I listen to Sade's songs because she always had a lover she was singing for. She always sang about the love she had for him and how she was not going to back down or she sang about how the love her lover gave her was the best. She always made me want to be the lover she sang about. It was then I realized I lost a great love, perhaps my first love. I believe subconsciously I replaced my supposed first love with Sade and her lyrics. 

After a while I realized the females I fell for were always the "romantic type" even if they did not show it. I always found them. They were always the ones who suffered from a serious heartbreak. I always felt it was my responsibility to rescue them, thinking if I can make them love again it will make up for my high school error. But once they fall for me, I leave them with a deeper hole than I met. I leave them in a worse state, simply because my scars are not healed and because the hole in my soul is greater than what they can fill up.

So what did I do? I listened to Sade more. Hoping I will find someone like her or my first love again or someone better. But brrr it never happened. I tried to fill my hole with several cravings, pleasures and fantasies. Yet it remained.

Usher was no longer encouraging to me so I searched for an artist who understood me or an artist whose case was similar to mine.
The Weeknd became a good friend for a while, simply because his songs are indeed sad and he lets the world know about his pain and how he tries to cover them up.
After a long time of being a fan of his, I tried to get out of that phase. I began to search for an artist who was happy and in need of love. That was when I found Wizkid.

Wizkid made me love again, he made me start going out again. His songs gave me encouragement to find a woman to love even if it was for one night. Sadly I never felt true love with any of the women so I went back into a little form of depression. That was when I found Lana Del Rey.

She seemed to be truly happy with her sadness. She seemed like she will stick with her man no matter the weather. It made me feel like I had more hope. Like I did not have to change who I believe I was. 

I'm happy now that there are better songs I can still listen to. But Sade still remains one of them. That on it's own probably means I am still searching.
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